Memoirs of a Fat Girl
Yes, betcha didn’t know I was rather overweight just half a year ago, and had been that overweight almost all my 20 years. Now that I’ve finally gotten healthy for the first time in forever, think it’s a good time to share the hilarious tales about my days as a fat girl, just for my entertainment and yours!
I’ve been dying to write this journal, read it if you’re interested Maybe you’ll be able to relate if you are struggling or have ever struggled with weight. Please take it lightly though, it’s meant to be a kind of fond recollection rather than an angsty world-blaming rant.
I should clarify something before you go dig up the few ID pictures I have here on dA and demand: How is this even fat?! Well obviously, I won’t show all that unflattering fat! I would take literally hundreds of selfies and choose the thinnest, best looking one. I’ve drawn self-portraits a couple of times too, but I have an ego to protect, and obviously I won’t draw myself as the overweight person I was. It’s a far..FAR…cry from what I looked like in real life. I guess I’d have to admit to you guys the honest figures of my weight 8 months back. I have a medium-sized frame. I was 171cm (5”7) and almost 77kg (170 lbs)! Oh god, now that I think back about this…I can hardly believe it was just 8 months ago.
THE FAT DAYS
Here’re a few things that happened to the fat girl me. It’s sooo funny now, but none of the were nearly as funny when they happened.
Oct 2011: I was fat in high school (oh the horror), but an absolutely evil part of me delighted in the fact that I wasn’t the fattest in my class. There was a girl (let’s give her a generic name: Jane) who was a little plumper than me, and I was just relieved that I wasn’t the biggest butt of everyone’s jokes (so punny, haha…ha…). To seek much needed comfort I’ve psychologically convinced myself that I was visibly and significantly thinner than her so that I can hide behind someone else a little longer. Until the day someone ran up from behind me and went: “Hey Jane!” followed by an apologetic “I’m sorry, I thought you were Jane!” That was when I realized I was as fat as, or possibly fatter than Jane - Jane whom I thought was so fat that I could never be like that. (I’m sorry Jane. I was a mean bitch, I really was. You’ve now gotten your revenge by becoming slim and gorgeous.)
Aug 2012: My first year in University! Law school in the National University of Singapore is a beautiful place - colonial style architecture with surprisingly high-tech insides. There was just 1 outdated facility - an old lift that no one really used, that creaked and jerked really really loudly whenever anyone stepped in and out. Usually, I would avoid that lift because I was paranoid it would fall one day. But on the day I went for a mooting competition with my class, my classmates decided that all 9 of us could fit into that rickety lift. Each time someone stepped into it, it would sink visibly and creak very loudly, with the sink and creak levels higher if the person was heavier. Mind you, there were 6 guys and 3 girls, but when I stepped into it last, I made a COLOSSAL creak and the lift sank so dangerously, there was a collective “WHOA!” At that time, all I could think was: omg, I’m much heavier than any of the guys…and the 2nd thought was: this lift is gonna fall and I’m gonna be responsible for everyone’s deaths. Since I stepped out last, I had to step out first, and the lift gave a huge bounce that had some sniggering, some clinging on to the sides for dear life.
June 2013 This is truly one of the most horrifying experiences of fat me. While I may have been overweight-ish all my life, I loved to skate (show-offish and very fast) as a kid. Out of a reluctance to let me kill myself with a fall due to my 170 lbs body and significant height, my mom forbade me from skating until I lost some of that weight. Obviously I threw that good advice out of the window and went skating with my friends, only to realize with quite a bit of horror that i could no longer skate, almost at all after 10+ years of not skating (I started when I was 5). I didn’t know that I was gonna be this noob when I stepped into the skates though, and in my unexpected wobbliness, I grabbed the closest friend I saw and accidentally pushed her, quite hard, onto the ground. She was wearing shorts, she had a terrible fall (with all 170lbs of fat me landing right on top. And ice is sooo not a fun thing to land on) and injured her knees and shins badly, plus a bit of her back. Because I’ve ungracefully landed on her, I didn’t get injured at all, but at that moment I just wanted to cry. It’s terrible enough that you hurt yourself because of weight, and 1000 times worse when you hurt others. Till this day, I can’t stop feeling horrible, and it serves me right.
The list goes on, but I’ve probably selectively forgotten most of them to avoid killing myself with sheer embarrassment. But before you get all depressed at me, this story has a good ending. Fortunately, health issues have given me much needed warning, and I’ve lost that weight over those 8 months (with a lot of wimpy tears)…I’m now 173cm (5”8) and 63.5kg (140lbs). It’s a difficult, long and really tiresome journey, I’ll share my methods in detail if you guys want to know (but it’s mostly just ridiculous determination). I’ve skipped the gruelling weight loss journey part because it’s not the point of this journal anyway. But it’s an added bonus that I grew an inch…lol, I’m still trying to figure out how that’s possible for a female at 20.
I guess I’m still fat-ish by regular standards and I’m aiming to lose those last few pounds (it’s not health anymore, just plain vanity), but I’m confident enough to be amused at old days. I was gonna make it one of those motivational tear-jerking stories about how a fat girl fought for her confidence back, but really…why cry when you can laugh? It’s really the best way to celebrate this weight loss. I guess you guys can expect before and afters once I feel happy with myself enough to take a good ‘after’. I’m looking forward to it too!
It’s been a long time of hard work and it’s not that epic, but when I stepped on the scale today, I feel as if I’ve won an Oscar. My BMI has dropped from 26.5 to 21.4, well within the healthy range. Rolls of unnecessary blubber – gone. Nerve pinching – gone. Anxiety – gone. Asthma – very much under control(Which is an absolute miracle.) It’s amazing what taking care of your body can do for you. Another added bonus - I can now cosplay, wear dresses and sing on stage - things I’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t. I’ve never felt better in my life.
To commemorate all this, I’m going skating again tomorrow with and friends for the first time since that horrible incident. This time I’ll be going with a significantly smaller self and a much better sense of balance and flexibility. I’m not gonna wheeze like a dying whale anymore, and that’s just brilliant. It’s a testament that I’m sufficiently light to not fall to my death (you can relax now, mom). I’m certain I won’t injure anyone anymore, but if anyone doesn’t come back alive the first suspect is me. Oh man, it’s such a relief to be able to look back and laugh about it!
And of course, I want to hear your story! You’re really welcome to share your thoughts, successes, failures…since we’re all so sick of being fat and unhealthy. Even now, I need so much constant encouragement and pushing. I was so pathetic and wimpy (not much better now), yet I’m still at it, so don’t you dare give up on yourself. We’ll ALL be beautiful and energetic in the very near future, and you’ll be writing a wry little journal like this.